Marriage is Not the Only Way to Love

Stop telling me I don’t know him because he hasn’t put a ring on it

Victoria Suzanne


Photo by Jeremy Wong Weddings on Unsplash

I read an interesting take on marriage lately. By which I mean batshit insane. This person posited that it is impossible to truly know the man you’re dating until you marry him.

I pointed out that plenty of couples share their lives together for many years without ever marrying, but she was adamant — until my boyfriend of seven years married me, he would always be hiding his true self from me.

We live in a one-bed flat in central London; he’d struggle to hide a packet of biscuits from me. Especially Party Rings. They’re my crack.

The marriage conundrum

Now, obviously this woman was just bitter about her “malignant narcissist" ex (everyone on the internet has a malignant narcissist for an ex, despite Narcissistic Personality Disorder being one of the rarest clinical diagnoses), but she raises an interesting conundrum: why on Earth get married?

If marrying my sweet, loving boyfriend would turn him into a violent abuser, why would I do it? Why would anyone?

Tradition or brainwashing?

I’m not saying everyone who gets married is some kind of zombie ant who’s not in control of their own actions. But 'marriage as tradition' is so embedded in western culture, I wonder how much it’s a free choice.

Just think about the throwaway lines people use all the time. “Every little girl dreams about getting married.” “Her wedding day is the best day of a woman’s life.”

Oh yeah, little boys don’t dream about getting married. We bully, badger and nag them into it, apparently.

It’s so insidious, I find even my beloved true crime documentaries annoy me when the parents of a murdered girl will bemoan that they’ll “never get to see them get married or have children of their own.” How do you know she wanted to?

I’ve never wanted to get married

Despite how it may appear, I’m not anti-marriage. A few of my friends are married and I’ve cheered them on at their weddings. I’m happy for them. It’s just not something I want for…



Victoria Suzanne

NCTJ-qualified journalist and editor. Follow my true crime publication @Crime-Scenes.