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Relationships
My Stalker Asked Me to Come to Him
He fundamentally misunderstood the stalker-stalkee relationship
Ding! A notification shook me from my Sunday afternoon reverie. A Facebook friend request, years since that had ceased being exciting and instead become a portal to creepy old men and Nigerian princes desperate to send you a fortune, if only you could loan them your bank details.
But it was a Sunday, the most boring day of the week. What else was there to do? I clicked “accept”, setting in motion a chain of events that led to a very weird experience.
Sexually harassed by the Tower of London
For an average-looking woman who’s led a fairly unremarkable life, I’ve had an odd number of bizarre experiences with men.
There was the man who stopped me in the street like he knew me, confessed he’d “always fancied” me and asked me out, at which point I had to ask who the hell he was because I didn’t have a clue. It turned out we’d had a temp job together for a week five years prior.
There was the semi-famous indie band member who rang me up in the middle of the night and started beatboxing about bacon in an apparent bid to woo me. I had to block him when he started going into too much…
