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Food
Top 10 Christmas Foods: Ranked
Pigs in blankets are god tier, Brussels sprouts can go to hell
From worst to best, a guide to all that graces our plates in the festive season.
10. Christmas pudding
Who decided that the perfect thing to round off a meal involving a whole turkey was a suet pudding? It’s gross, shrivelled up fruit held together by fat and alcohol. And they stopped putting money in it when Queen Victoria died.
The only good thing about Christmas pudding is when it gets set on fire.
9. Mince pies
Like many people, when I first discovered mince pies, I assumed they were filled with minced beef. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered it was more fucking fruit.
Apparently, mince pies did originally contain beef as well as today’s raisins, currants and unidentified brown gloop. That would have been an improvement, but as it stands the only edible bit is the pastry casing.
8. Brussels sprouts
I know, I know. Even I’m surprised they didn’t rank lower, but I recently discovered that you can cook them by frying them with bacon lardons. They’ll still taste like farts, but anything involving bacon is a…
